11-Day Chinese Gridlock Teaches Kids Patience

A traffic jam stretching for over 60 miles on a Chinese highway is giving stranded kids a chance to use their imaginations as they wait in automobiles for what could be several weeks. With nothing to sustain their contemporary attention spans, kids affected by the jam will have no choice but to patiently invent new worlds to explore, scenarios to play out or new languages to speak in an effort to keep themselves busy.

While the media blamed road construction for the 11-day jam, some could speculate the entire fiasco is a clever move by the government in hopes of giving their children the imaginative edge over the technologically distracted youth of the west. Although this logic is mere rumor, the Chinese government has lent an unsuspecting hand to the flowering of young gridlocked creativity as China’s 1 child per household law keeps children focused on imagination and not poking or nearly not poking annoyed older siblings.

No matter the cause of the gridlock it’s clear the experience will benefit all the children involved as they prepare for similar lifestyles in the China’s booming industrial job market.  

Vampire Bats Gain Respect Deserved

Long criticized for falling short of Hollywood’s supernatural expectations, vampire bats are beginning to gain the world’s respect after killing four and wounding hundreds in the jungles of Peru.

Vampire bats were traditionally revered for their un-godly habit of gently sipping the blood of sleeping animals, but their mystique began to fade throughout the latter 20th century. Compared to the charismatic actions of their on-screen counterparts, the vampire bat’s painless blood sucking has been rendered incredibly tame, thus leaving the actual vampire bat a supernatural disappointment.

Although rabies played a major role in the four Peruvian deaths, the vampire bat is regaining its notoriety as a bloodthirsty predator thanks to the growing number of attacks against humans throughout the area.

With luck, tales of night blood sucking will continue to escape the jungle, returning the nightmarish reputation to nature's un-holy winged mammal.

India's Oil Spill Shows Nation Developing

A ship wreck spilling oil in the Arabian Sea has India marching toward the developing world thanks to timely comparisons drawn between this disaster and that of world super power the United States of America. As the Indian coast guard attempts to contain the mix of diesel fuel and oil-based lubricants released in the wreck, the perception of India throughout the world is sure to improve as observers can’t help but think of America’s oil spill when thinking about India’s. Although the toxic diesel fuel and lubricants lack the prestigious reputation of pure off-shore crude oil from a billion-dollar company, the developed world comparison is a step in the right direction. While the world’s 2nd most populace country has been making great leaps in technology, education and industry over the last decade, an oil spill on the heels of America’s current disaster will show India’s ability to quickly adapt to contemporary world trends. If the trend continues and India can keep following in America’s footsteps, the developing nation may one day provide its citizens with American-like unequaled opportunity- a freedom they can squander like a real American.

Linebackers May Get Another Shot At Favre

Defensive players throughout the NFL may get another opportunity to pummel Brett Favre if the 41-year-old Vikings quarterback chooses to come back for another season. Favre’s return would allow linebackers, linemen and various blitz packages ample chances to run down and potentially injure the arrogant southerner who, for the third straight season, has the sports world in a frenzy while he contemplates retirement. 

One last season could mean big things for veteran defenders with unfinished business or personal grudges against Favre, while younger players could pad their personal career numbers with repeated blindside tackles against a future hall-of-famer. Not only would defenders benefit from Favre’s potential season, but it could help the entire league by creating new fans from unlikely spectators who simply want to see “that old guy with the drawl” retired once and for all.