Positive News for July 22nd- July 28th

SOUTHERN MEN SHAKE “BACKWOODS” STEREO-TYPE

7 North Carolina men have successfully challenged the world’s perception of the American south after embracing philosophies associated with prominent international thought. In a region unfairly identified as “redneck,” the 7 men serve as ambassadors to a new south through the study of old-world, middle-eastern teachings, an affinity for international travel, and a commitment to sharing their ideals with other men throughout the community. Although they initially appeared to completely favor foreign philosophy to the American way of life, the southern “renaissance” men’s full support of the 2nd amendment helped to reinforce their US identity. [click here for silver lining: “7 in North Carolina Charged With Supporting Terrorism”]

BAHAMAS HELP CURB ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION

The islands surrounding the Bahamas have joined in the fight to ward off illegal immigration in the Caribbean after preventing a small migrant vessel from landing in the area. The seaward vessel containing upwards of 200 unauthorized immigrants set off from the country of Haiti in hopes of illegally reaching a more economically stable country. The voyage nearly resulted in an unlawful immigration until the islands of Turks and Ciacos were there to restore order. While many of these migrants might again attempt to evade the law, a small number will never make the trip again. [click here for silver lining: “Haitian Boat Capsizes; Dozens Missing”]

PHELPS ESCAPES SUPER-HUMAN RESPONSIBILITY

Olympic champion and multiple world record holder Michael Phelps has finally managed to elude the responsibility of being super-human. The American swimmer who became one of the world’s most recognizable athletes after winning 8 gold medals during a single Olympic games can finally begin living a normal life without the pressure associated with being an international model of fitness perfection. At this point it is unclear if Phelps plans to regain his athletic freak-of-nature prowess, or if he will be content performing at a regular, human level. [click here for silver lining: “Coach Threatens To Pull Phelps”]

Positive News for July 15th-21st

BAILOUT ESTIMATE CAN HELP CULTIVATE IMAGINATION

A new report estimating the financial costs of the current administration’s economic bailout can help in the development of the human imagination. The dollar amounts freely used throughout the Troubled Asset Relief Program’s report require the mind to attempt to not only comprehend numbers that are impossible to fathom, but to also justify an instance when they could ever be legitimately used. Despite a person’s age, standing, or profession the report’s honest use of fanciful numbers and figures could be the preliminary step to helping Americans imagine a way to make the numbers slowly dissapear. [click here for silver lining: “Bailout Worst Case Tally: $23.7 Trillion”]

TWIN ACTORS CAN EXPECT FAN BASE GROWTH

The popularity of a set of identical twin actors is expected to increase dramatically following a residency amongst potential fans. Once only identifiable to a specific sub-culture, Taleon and Keyontyli Goffney are poised to become the most recognizable and sought-after performers in their entire community. Though the twins’ new workload appears both daunting and overwhelming, their previous collaborative projects should serve as adequate preparation. [click here for silver lining: “Twin Pornstars Turn Rooftop Robbers”]

GRANDMOTHER ABIDES BY STATE LAWS

A grandmother of two has honored Florida’s minimum gambling age requirement after not allowing her underage children to accompany her inside a Hallandale Casino. The grandmother, recognizing her 2 and 14 year-old grandchildren were well below the state’s minimum age requirement of 18, agreed with the state’s moral position on appropriate gambling age and entered the casino alone. Witnesses to the scene were left in a state of shock by the grandmother’s bold action, alerting authorities to the work she had done. [click here for silver lining: “Grandchildren Left In Car While Woman Gambled”]

Positive News For July 8th- July 14th

UNDERAGE GIRL MAKES ADULT DECISION

The 20-year-old girlfriend of former NFL quarterback Steve McNair displayed maturity beyond her years last week after making a life-altering decision typically reserved for adults. Sahel Kazemi, a waitress turned romantic acquaintance of the once Tennessee Titans great, chose to spend the rest of her life with McNair following a brief secret courtship in Nashville, TN. Though Kazemi’s charismatic gesture could simply be disregarded as the direct result of overwhelming passion, her commitment to following her decision through to the end is clearly undeniable. [click for silver lining: “McNair’s Girlfriend Behind Murder-Suicide”]

CHINESE HOUSING MARKET SET TO SOAR

The housing market in southwestern China is expected to soar following a sudden region-wide interest in home improvement last Friday. Despite a global economic crisis, the building/construction industry in China’s Yunnan province will soon be completely overwhelmed while as many as 18,000 new homes could be built and another 75,000 could be seeking minor to major improvements. As it currently stands China’s tent and quilt industries have already experienced an incredible jump in both sales and production in the area. [click for silver lining: “400,000 Displaced In China After Quake”]

FORMER ATHLETE TURNS ENTREPRENEUR

Former American Champion and Olympic figure skater Nicole Bobek has added the title “small business entrepreneur” to her list of remarkable life achievements. The once prominent figure skating icon is now making headlines for her moves outside the rink after her connection to a successful east coast small business was discovered. Though Bobek has surprised fans with her achievements so distant from the world of figure skating, it is clear that she is still addicted to the ice. [click for silver lining: “Ex-skater Pleads Not Guilty In Meth Case”]

Positive News for July 1st- July 7th

SARAH PALIN COULD BLAZE NEW TRAIL TO THE WHITE HOUSE

Riding the ‘maverick’ persona she embodied throughout Senator John McCain’s run for the white house, Sarah Palin may be embarking on a completely uncharted path to the 2012 presidency. Palin, known for her sometimes unorthodox behavior as a woman, mother, and politician of America’s great frontier state of Alaska, may just buck the system yet again by taking a path to oval office that has never before been traversed. While the typical route to the presidency has been marked by accomplished service in the political arena or successful military experience, Palin has chosen to prematurely relieve herself from Alaska’s gubernatorial duties. If Palin were to run and win the 2012 presidential election, her new journey would forever change the standard for achieving America’s highest honor. [click for silver lining: "Palin's Move Leaves Future Unclear"]

CHINESE CATCH UP TO NEW WORLD TREND

The Chinese have finally caught on to the latest trend which has been sweeping throughout the world since fall 2001. China’s traditional Han people, though facing setbacks, have successfully joined the international community in one of the decade’s most popular trends involving cross-cultural interaction with the Islamic world. Although the Chinese are relatively new to making headlines in association with the Islamic community, like most new opportunities facing the Chinese, they are expected to excel. [click here for silver lining: "Hundreds Of Armed Chinese March On Muslims"]

HEAD SPY PROVES FACEBOOK IS FOR EVERYONE

Facebook, the online social networking website for “anyone” received further reinforcement for that claim this week after the head of Brittan’s national intelligence agency appeared on his wife’s profile. The appearance of MI6 director John Sawers on his wife’s profile has served to turn the ‘youth only’ stigma surrounding Facebook toward the growing belief that, indeed, anyone from the average world’s teenager to the head of a storied national intelligence agency can be involved with Facebook. Sawers’s online appearance along with multiple images identifying the likeness of his wife, children, and home went on to illustrate that regular users and high-profile users alike are capable of easily sharing fun family information with friends and the entire world. [click for silver lining: "The Spy Who Loved Facebook"]

5th GRADERS RECEIVE SEX EDUCATION

In a move that has shocked parents around the country, several 5th grade students at Isabelle Jackson Elementary school have recently undergone discussions about the “birds and the bees.” The pre-adolescent sex education is the result of progressive 5th grade teacher Crystal Defanti’s dedication to educating her students to the unexpected events of the ever-changing world around them. Although much of the actual discussion is conducted in the home by parents, Ms. Defanti’s influence still serves as guidance. [click for silver lining: "Teacher Gives Sex Tape To 5th Graders"]