Postive News for June 24th- June 30th

MADOFF EXPECTED TO LIVE ANOTHER 150 YEARS

71-year-old former Wall Street Financier Bernard Madoff is expected to live until he is at least 221 years-old in accordance with his June 29th court ruling. Denny Chin, the U.S. District Judge presiding over the trial, opted against a fate-sealing lifetime prison term, instead offering Madoff a 150-year sentence and the prospect of freedom upon its completion. If the decision is carried out without appeal, Madoff can expect to rejoin society in the year 2159. [click for silver lining: "Madoff Slammed With 150-Year Sentence"]

RE-ELECTED PRESIDENT SAVES WASHINTON TIME, MONEY

The Reelection of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is expected to save valuable time and American taxpayer dollars as it relieves the Obama administration from having to educate themselves about a new middle-eastern leader. The numerous hours and fiscal resources typically required for a presidential cabinet to familiarize itself with the personality, civic history, and overall governing style of a new world leader comes at a great price for Americans who trust in their government to understand the international political landscape. The re-election of Ahmadinejad, a familiar face with an already documented political flair, greatly reduces the financial burden placed on American taxpayers still reeling in the mire of an economic recession. If the current pattern in Iran should continue, the Ahmadinejad presidency has the potential to become a successful money-saving venture similar to the model of North Korea’s Kim Jong Ill. [click here for silver lining: "Partial Recount Shows Election Valid"]

COLLEGIATE STUDENT DIET SET TO IMPROVE

The dietary habits of U.S. college students are expected to make a slight health conscious turn for the better following the brief reduction of cookie dough, a collegiate consumption staple. As snack food production giant Nestle momentarily reduces the amount of cookie dough it injects into the market, college students will be forced to find an alternative easy-to-prepare snack to fill the void cookie dough will most certainly leave behind. With few foods containing cookie dough’s proficient sugar, fat and calorie contents, whatever foods U.S. college students select will most certainly be a step toward promoting a healthy lifestyle and longevity. [click here for silver lining: "Ecoli Found At Nestle Plant"]